You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A bitchslap is in order.
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