Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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