I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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