I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
