I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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