I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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