No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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