I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
