Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked