if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.