i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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