dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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