If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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