i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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