How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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