my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
