O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'