The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot