Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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