Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?