So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
