my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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