Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
