all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
