Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
