please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
