hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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