I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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