I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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