oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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