the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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