and you said cock pushups were impossible
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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