Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
