We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
