Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
