beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
