I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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