Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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