you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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