I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
