you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
