Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
