Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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