that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
