i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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