And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
