1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
