I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
