i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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