before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
