addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
