Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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