direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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