Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
