The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
