it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
