i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
