went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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