I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
