I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
