He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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