I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
