Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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