If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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