I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Porn is love you can see.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
