my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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