i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
