OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
false alarm. still invincible.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
