Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
