I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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