Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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